Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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