can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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