I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
