wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
