pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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