if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
