I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
