I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
