when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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