I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
