Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize