I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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