my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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