How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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