All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
