im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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