I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
