from now on my penis is your penis
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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