she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
