You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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