My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
