Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i came on her dog
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
