Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
