he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i think my cat just said my name.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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