Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
