hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
