I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
