I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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