White coat. Heels.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
