Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
