im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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