Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
