I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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