I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
