How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
