when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
