I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
