He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
