There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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