I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
