who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
