May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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