he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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