Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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