good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
