SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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