i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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