ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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