Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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