i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Couch. On fire.
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