Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
