i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
