fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
