I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
