Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
