i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
