I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
