I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
