I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
