I cockslap morals
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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