hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
